I am so fucking fed up with my mother. Today, I flat out asked her if we could have a nice, civilized conversation without it ending in her nagging and bitching at me. I practically begged. And what happened? I lower and debase myself, instead of just wishing that we could talk without me ending up pissed off…And she fucking does it anyway. I could cry. I almost cried. I’m so goddamn frustrated. I try so hard…Okay, now, I’m crying. I try so hard to have a decent relationship with this woman. She’s so fucking lucky that I even try after all the shit she’s put me through. And then she goes and crushes me every time. I get so excited when we have a good conversation between two adults, but she always has to end it with ranting and poking and prodding at me. This is the process. We have a fine discussion, like two equals, and then I can hear her ramping up to bitch me out, so I try to end the conversation before she gets a chance. No dice. She just keeps on ploughing through. And usually I end up hanging up on her, putting a crappy end on what was a perfectly fine conversation.
On a lighter note, my cousin, Lauren, and her fiance, Josh, want to get married up at our cabin in Wisconsin. I’m not sure how I feel about that. Part of me is flattered and part of me…doesn’t want to share! It’s our cabin, not theirs! Besides, what if I wanted to get married up there? Not that I do, but…what if I did? Now there’s no way I could. Then it’d look like I stole their idea. And people would be comparing my wedding to theirs. If I ever get married…Whatever. My dad doesn’t like it either, but I’m sure he’s not going to tell them no. Especially since my mom is thrilled.
Overall, I like Lauren and I like Josh and I think they’re good for each other. Josh is like a big golden retriever. One of those people who’s just entirely a kid at heart. I’m just going to start convincing myself that I should be honored that they want to do it at our cabin. I guess it is pretty cool. Besides, I want a small wedding, but a gigantic party. And I want it in the fall…somewhere outside, with pretty leaves. No pretty leaves by the cabin. It’s all pine trees.
Sarah H is talking to us again and hanging out with us as if nothing ever happened. The drama over us excluding her from the house lasted forever it seems like. She bitched me out all over my public Facebook wall. She dragged in all these people who didn’t need to be involved, as always. Why she was blaming the whole thing on me, exactly, I’m not sure. She apparently thought I brainwashed Nisha into living with us or something. Everyone was fed up. My, Skylar M, Nisha, Annie…What an idiot. I’m so glad we won’t have to deal with this mindless immaturity next year. We made the right choice.
My friend Jesse B who used to be in the equine program with me but now goes to school in Columbus is visiting this weekend with her boyfriend, Luke A. Luke is very, very nice and we have a lot in common :) We definitely hit it off. I approve. He’s a sweet guy. They’re so damn cute. People always seem to make a big deal out of interracial couples, even in this day and age. I wonder if they even acknowledge that as an issue. I hope not. It shouldn’t mean a thing. Last night we watched “Dr. Horrible’s Sing-Along Blog”. If you haven’t seen it…Do. Set aside forty minutes or so and watch it. It’s hilarious and poignant and just incredibly fantastic. Look, I even linked it, for your convenience!
1. Give me a chance and I’ll prove it to you…
2. Whenever it snows these days, it makes me sad or angry. I just want it to be warm out. Or at least be able to see the grass. The only time I like snow is right around Christmas. And then it sucks. There are two days a year that it’s acceptable. Christmas Eve and Christmas Day.
3. I wish that my mother would just listen to what I say for once. She never listens…She never hears what I’m saying. Or she just doesn’t care. In which case…I wish she cared.
4. Scrambled eggs and corned beef hash with wheat toast was the last thing I ate that was utterly delicious. I made them the French way in a tiny little electric skillet that’s sitting on top of my heater. It’s contraband. We’re not supposed to have it. Then again, I’m not supposed to have a snake and I’ve got one of those. So, there.
5. To live in this world you’d better have a damn thick skin or you’re not gonna last too long. Mine could use some thickening still apparently.
6. Other than this one, The Pioneer Woman is the last blog I commented on. I am positively infatuated with this woman’s life. Hunky cowboy husband, adorable children in wranglers and boots, a house on a cattle ranch in the country…Luscious, fattening, homestyle cooking. Plus she takes beautiful photos.
7. And as for the weekend, I’m NOT looking forward to finding some way to do all my homework and studying that I need to get done for Monday in between hanging out with Jesse and Luke and Nisha and Sarah and watching movies and-…Ahhh!
Filed under: Journal , family, friday fill-ins, friends, future, meme
