“Great and Small” and Wednesday Weirdness #2.

I just spent a bit of time working on my take-home final for Psych of Becoming.  That’s right!  I actually started working on something in advance!  Go me!  Actually, I had to, in order to make up for the bullshit I’ve been pulling lately…I’m kicking into summer mode already.  My grades are not going to be pretty this semester…

Besides working on that, I also did a bit of work on my business plan for “Great and Small” Pet Photography.  I even designed a little logo.  I’m going to email my Entrepreneurship professor from last semester and see if he’ll take a look at it and/or sit down and run over my ideas with me.  I think it’s going to work out great, if I can get the ball rolling by next semester.  I’m hoping to buy my camera over the summer.  I can make flyers and put them out around town and maybe stick ‘em in the mailboxes of all those ritzy houses down on Main Street.  Those people are always out walking their fancy purebred doggies.  And, hell, that might even give me an opportunity to peek inside some of those amazing old houses.

Tomorrow I have to get up at a decent hour, find my checkbook, finish my Psych homework, go to class, meet with Dr. Yates (hopefully), grab lunch, drive over to Bowman’s Storage with Sara B and get a storage unit, annnd buy a mouse for Jinx, AND get my shots at Cosiano.  Busy day.

1.) Tell us how you picked the blog nickname that you write under. Were you considering using a different pseudonym or was the one you wound up with your first pick?

The full username is “lexicalconstellations”, which is the same as the title of my blog.  I go by “lexical”, though, which is the username I originally wanted, but it was taken.  “Lexical” refers specifically to the words themselves, rather than the grammar or syntax of a language.  And to “constellate” means to unite in a cluster.  So…word clusters.  That’s all a sentence is, isn’t it?  A cluster of words.

2.) Tell us about your worst oral sex experience.

Let’s just say…Cheese grater facial hair, inappropriate use of teeth, and an apparent complete lack of knowledge of what to do with one’s fingers.

3.) Tell us about your favorite childhood toy.

I can only pick ONE?  Okay…Favorite of all time…I’m gonna have to say Cabbage Patch Doll.  I had this hideous, hideous Mr. Potato Head looking thing with a giant plastic head, a tuft of brown hair made out of tatty yarn, and a floppy, disproportionate cloth body.  I loved that thing to death.  Her name was Lori.  Is Lori.  I’m sure she’s still in the basement somwhere, right alongside my Polly Pockets and my Grand Champions and my jungle animals, my Giga Pets, Littlest Pet Shops, and Puppy in my Pockets.

4.) Tell us about the weirdest sexual proposition you’ve ever been faced with.

Well, recently, I went on a date with this guy and we were having a perfectly normal, civilized conversation as he was driving me home.  There’s a momentary pause and all of a sudden he goes…”I have an erection right now.”  Just announces it to the world!  I, without even skipping a beat, smirk and say…”Okay.  Would you like to talk about baseball or dinosaurs or something?”  It was priceless.  What?  Did he expect me to lean over, unzip his jeans, jam my head between his crotch and the steering wheel, and service him right then and there?  I think not.  Certainly not, especially after the cheese grater cunnilingus I had to endure the night before.  (That’s right.  The Cheese Grater Guy and the Erection Announcer are one and the same.)

And now, after that thrilling rendition of “Random Facts about my Life”, I’m going to sleep.

Filed under: Journal

On the Eve of Easter.

I think was just the change of pace that I needed.  I’ve been sleeping like a rock and dreaming long, elaborate, and happy dreams.  As opposed to the horrid, interrupted, fitful sleeping I’ve been doing lately, fully equipped with nightmares.

Today was interesting.  Sarah S came down and she and Annie and I drove out to TSC and bought grain for the horses, checked out this little Western store that ended up being closed, and then drove around the country in Annie’s truck, blasting the tunes.  We came back, unloaded the grain, and got dressed for a wedding reception out at the fairgrounds.  The very same fairgrounds where I’ll be showing, if I decide to do it.  All red roof buildings.  Big spread.  The reception was cute.  Just a small affair with a buffet table and casual dress.  When we got there, we ate, the bride and groom danced their first dance, threw the bouquet and the garter, and then the bride changed out of her gown and into a button up Western shirt and Wranglers.  I loved that.  Dinner was broccoli salad, chicken wings, and watermelon.  Country music on the speakers.  We were not invited.

Crash a wedding.  Checked off the list of life goals.

Annie and Sarah and I drove around a bit more afterwards.  Annie showed us some farms and stuff that she knows of and that I’ve seen before, but this time I saw ‘em in the dark, lol.  And then we came to this spot with a bunch of hills in the road…and we flew back and forth up and down and over those hills a few times till we decided we’d better not push it anymore.  Annie said cops like to hang out there ’cause they know people love to speed over the hills.  It was like a damn roller coaster.

The things country folk do for entertainment, I swear.  ;)

We came back home, Zoe and I watched “Oliver and Company” and almost passed out on the couch, Annie brought us Wendy’s for a snack while Mona boiled five dozen eggs…We all dyed Easter eggs til midnight. :) Then Mona, Sarah, Jewel (Annie’s Gramma), and I stayed up another hour or so talking about my photography and UrbEx and all the places I’ve seen.  Mona said I should look into talking to my local fire departments about trying to get into some of the houses that they use for practice fires to take pictures beforehand.  She’s a firefighter.  She said I should see if they’d trade the photo opportunity for some photos of their practice or the flame patterns or something.  That might work out here in the country where people help one another, but there’s definitely a different mentality out by my house…It’s a thought, though.  If they’re just gonna burn it anyway, I might as well preserve what I can.

Anyway, I’m toast and I gotta get up at a decent hour tomorrow so I can ride some more.  I can’t believe how these girls take advantage of what they have…Zoe constantly complaining about having to feed…They don’t even ride or love on their horses every day…If I had my own horse, I’d ride that thing every damn day if I could.

Someday…

Filed under: Journal

Pretty Good Day.

So, the other day, I go to the business office to pay off my parking ticket…I got a ticket for parking in front of the Village, in that little turnaround thing, which is also a fire lane.  Those fuckers.  I was only there for a few minutes.  Anyway.  I went to go back it today with a check that my mom wrote for me…Turns out, I had a credit on my account and they had already paid it!  I was pissed.  All this time I could’ve been working out because there was no hold on my account like I thought!

Today, I decided to go work out after lunch, straight after Psych class.  And I thought I was totally prepared.  I had my workout pants, I had my New Balance gym shoes, I had a bottle of water, I had my iPod.  I borrowed a pair of earbuds from Nisha since I couldn’t find mine.  I even brought a book to read (The Last American Man by Elizabeth Gilbert) while I worked out on the elliptical.  Because I’m a complete moron…I forgot my damn socks.  Yes.  That’s right.  And I have a very tiny amount of gas left in my car.  It’s been on empty for about two weeks now.  I only drive every so often around campus, so it’s still lasting, but…I didn’t wanna waste gas to drive back to the room, so…I worked out with no socks.  It was awful.

I’ve been kinda up and down today.  I was in a really bad mood for a bit, so I went for a walk after dinner and sat by the creek and wrote for a while in my new composition notebook.  You know, those silly black and white ones with the pages stitched in?  I wrote down some ideas for “Lemon Cucumbers”.  That’s hopefully going to turn into my first completed short story.

And now I’m exhausted because I got way more exercise than I usually get, so…I’m gonna go get in a few more pages of TLAM and get my butt to bed.

Tomorrow’s Friday…Thank goodness.

Filed under: Journal

Pet Portraits.

It all started with this book.

"PhoDOGraphy" by Kim Levin...Tips for photographing dogs.

Look, there's even a section on black doggies, like Coda and Bo! :D

Well, honestly, it was probably a combination of things…Like the fact that I just looked at this post with pictures of my girls on it earlier today.  And that I spent some time looking at horse portraits that one of the girls on the Baywind Farm Horse Forum draws on her tablet.  And then there was this book.  And that tied it all together.

Maybe it’s crazy, maybe it’ll be a big failure, but…It’s worth a shot.  Pet portraits.  I could combine two of my big passions.  Animals and photography.  Maybe it’ll just be a little supplemental income on the side, or maybe it’ll be a big deal.  Who knows?  I guess we’ll just have to see what happens, but…

I’m already starting on a business plan.

I’m already thinking up names.

Filed under: Journal

The Spring Break Chronicles.

Friday

Today could not have last any longer.  Jeez.  We finally hit the road around five and made it to my house in pretty good time.  Annie drove the first half and then I drove the last half.   She freaked out about the city and how bright it is, lol!  The parents were gone when we got back, at Brian’s game, but then Mark E came over when Brian got home and we hung out and watched a movie and then hit the hay.

Saturday

We took the train downtown this morning and then went to the Art Institute.  It was packed. It was the last day that they had free admission, for the month of February, and it was a Saturday, so…the crowds were insane.  It wasn’t nearly as enjoyable as it usually is.  Oh!  And they replaced the weaponry exhibit with like..Middle Eastern art!  I was so confused!  That stuff had been there for as long as I can remember!  We looked at the Thorne Miniatures and a lot of the contemporary and cultural art and a little modern art and then headed back out into the freezing cold to go to Millenium Park.  Annie was so amused by the Bean, lol.  We were going to walk to Navy Pier, but then we decided it was too far away.  I really wish that it would’ve been warm out :( Then we could’ve seen Buckingham Fountain and the Crown Fountains at Millenium Park would have been on and the ferris wheel would’ve been running at Navy Pier…And the walking would have been way easier!  Oh well…We ended the trip with Cafe Iberico, which is still one of my favorite restaurants of all time :) Overall, a good day, for sure.  I missed the city.

Sunday

Fairly lazy day.  I made a big breakfast and then we all showered and made our way to Gramma D’s house.  Visited with her and watched TV and laid on the bed in the corner room, off the kitchen, lol.  We had dinner at Gramma Slota’s and saw the baby.  Dinner was really, really yummy.  Beef and pork roast, asparagus, green beans, corn, and mashed potatoes with gravy.  The baby, Jonathon, is really cute, but…I have no idea what to do with babies.  They make me nervous.  My mom keeps wanting to take a picture of me with him, but I won’t let her, lol.  I held him once and once was enough for me.  Drove home, watched a movie, and went to bed…I wasn’t feelin’ so hot.

Monday

FOOD POISONING!  Nisha and I got fucking food poisoning.  I spent all last night getting up and puking my guts out.  Went downstairs in the morning and found out that she’d been up all night too.  Nisha felt better about halfway through the day, but I still felt like crap all the way into tonight.  I got up and watched a movie with them and then I laid down for the night.  I felt bad leaving them to their own devices, lol…They played cards and watched movies all day and all night.  Oh well…shit happens, I guess.

Tuesday

Well.  My brother is a complete psycho.  I woke up to him and mom screaming at each other again and banging shit around and just being totally ridiculous.  I got up, interfered, and then went downstairs to see if Nisha and Annie were up and they were, of course.  Mom doesn’t help anything by being all weepy and making every single damn thing into a crisis situation.

I think we’re going to go to Cabela’s and the mall today and then taking the doggies for a walk later when it warms up.  The food poisoning seems to be gone now that I slept all night.  From about 6PM to 8AM, lol.  Anyway, we were afraid it might be the flu, but now we’re both feeling better. Thank goodness.

Wednesday

Annie spent last night throwing up.  Apparently we all had some kinda 24-hour stomach flu?  I don’t know.  Anyway, we drove up to the cabin.  It seemed like it took forever!  We made it up there just as it was getting dark.  The waving guy wasn’t outside :( I got the fireplace running, we watched some movies, made pierogies and polish sausage, relaxed, and went to bed up in the loft.

Thursday

Had a deeelicious breakfast.  We went for a few walks today, wandered around, went up to the tower and the air strip.  Watched movies, read my book in front of the fire, made chicken piccata for dinner.  We drank a bit.  I had Mike’s Pomegranate, Nisha had Bacardi Raz, and Annie had…god knows what kind of concoction in a Gatorade bottle.  I think it was Malibu and Sprite at first and then vodka, tequila, and margarita mix…She’s crazy.  Oh, and her and Nisha also made “jello shots” in a bowl.  We didn’t want to have to wash the shot glasses.  I’ve realized that I’m really not a drinker.  Just a few is fine for me.

Friday

Made a big breakfast once Dad got to the cabin.  We got to ride the ATV since so much of the snow melted and it was pretty warm out!  I love that thing sooo much!  We had hot dogs cooked over the fire and leftovers for dinner.  I finished reading my book.  Watched Titanic and went to sleep.

Saturday

Woke up, cleaned up the cabin, made quiche, and then drove back home in the crappiest weather.  The rain wasn’t too bad, but the road spray was practically blinding.  Oh!  But the waving guy was outside at the train tracks when we left the cabin!  I was so happy.  I stopped by the Red Ridge Ranch and met Cindy, who kinda interviewed me and showed me around a bit.  The woman’s a total bitch.  She’s a complete hard-ass, but…I liked her.  Very gritty and blunt, down-to-business and straightforward.  Made it back home.  Mom made pork, mashed potatoes, carrots, rolls, and creamed cabbage for dinner.  Alex L, Annie’s friend, came over and we played pool and then Annie went to spend the night at his place in Wood Dale.

Sunday

Woke up around eight, but I’m kinda stalling.  I don’t really wanna get up and I’m not looking forward to the drive back to school.  Or to being back at school.  And we lose <em>two</em> hours going back, because of daylight savings.  :(  Ugh!

Anyway, I guess it’s about time to hit the road.  Spring break was fun.  I wish I had another week now.  To sleep.  lol!

Filed under: Journal

Locks of Loooove.

Can this day get any better?  :)

I’m in love with my new haircut and it’s kinda warm out and they’re serving one of my favorite meals, country fried steak, for dinner in the dining hall.  I donated 12 inches to Locks of Love :)

This is my excited face. Can you tell?

Check it outttt! :D I love ittt.

Oh, and I’m eating pineapple right now.  I love pineapple.

Filed under: Journal

Mom Problems, Weddings, and House Guests.

I am so fucking fed up with my mother.  Today, I flat out asked her if we could have a nice, civilized conversation without it ending in her nagging and bitching at me.  I practically begged.  And what happened?  I lower and debase myself, instead of just wishing that we could talk without me ending up pissed off…And she fucking does it anyway.  I could cry.  I almost cried.  I’m so goddamn frustrated.  I try so hard…Okay, now, I’m crying.  I try so hard to have a decent relationship with this woman.  She’s so fucking lucky that I even try after all the shit she’s put me through.  And then she goes and crushes me every time.  I get so excited when we have a good conversation between two adults, but she always has to end it with ranting and poking and prodding at me.  This is the process.  We have a fine discussion, like two equals, and then I can hear her ramping up to bitch me out, so I try to end the conversation before she gets a chance.  No dice.  She just keeps on ploughing through.  And usually I end up hanging up on her, putting a crappy end on what was a perfectly fine conversation.

On a lighter note, my cousin, Lauren, and her fiance, Josh, want to get married up at our cabin in Wisconsin.  I’m not sure how I feel about that.  Part of me is flattered and part of me…doesn’t want to share!  It’s our cabin, not theirs!  Besides, what if I wanted to get married up there?  Not that I do, but…what if I did?  Now there’s no way I could.  Then it’d look like I stole their idea.  And people would be comparing my wedding to theirs.  If I ever get married…Whatever.  My dad doesn’t like it either, but I’m sure he’s not going to tell them no.  Especially since my mom is thrilled.

Overall, I like Lauren and I like Josh and I think they’re good for each other.  Josh is like a big golden retriever.  One of those people who’s just entirely a kid at heart.  I’m just going to start convincing myself that I should be honored that they want to do it at our cabin.  I guess it is pretty cool.  Besides, I want a small wedding, but a gigantic party.  And I want it in the fall…somewhere outside, with pretty leaves.  No pretty leaves by the cabin.  It’s all pine trees.

Sarah H is talking to us again and hanging out with us as if nothing ever happened.  The drama over us excluding her from the house lasted forever it seems like.  She bitched me out all over my public Facebook wall.  She dragged in all these people who didn’t need to be involved, as always.  Why she was blaming the whole thing on me, exactly, I’m not sure.  She apparently thought I brainwashed Nisha into living with us or something.  Everyone was fed up.  My, Skylar M, Nisha, Annie…What an idiot.  I’m so glad we won’t have to deal with this mindless immaturity next year.  We made the right choice.

My friend Jesse B who used to be in the equine program with me but now goes to school in Columbus is visiting this weekend with her boyfriend, Luke A.  Luke is very, very nice and we have a lot in common :) We definitely hit it off.  I approve.  He’s a sweet guy.  They’re so damn cute.  People always seem to make a big deal out of interracial couples, even in this day and age.  I wonder if they even acknowledge that as an issue.  I hope not.  It shouldn’t mean a thing.  Last night we watched “Dr. Horrible’s Sing-Along Blog”.  If you haven’t seen it…Do.  Set aside forty minutes or so and watch it.  It’s hilarious and poignant and just incredibly fantastic.  Look, I even linked it, for your convenience!

1. Give me a chance and I’ll prove it to you…

2. Whenever it snows these days, it makes me sad or angry.  I just want it to be warm out.  Or at least be able to see the grass.  The only time I like snow is right around Christmas.  And then it sucks.  There are two days a year that it’s acceptable.  Christmas Eve and Christmas Day.

3. I wish that my mother would just listen to what I say for once.  She never listens…She never hears what I’m saying.  Or she just doesn’t care.  In which case…I wish she cared.

4. Scrambled eggs and corned beef hash with wheat toast was the last thing I ate that was utterly delicious.  I made them the French way in a tiny little electric skillet that’s sitting on top of my heater.  It’s contraband.  We’re not supposed to have it.  Then again, I’m not supposed to have a snake and I’ve got one of those.  So, there.

5. To live in this world you’d better have a damn thick skin or you’re not gonna last too long.  Mine could use some thickening still apparently.

6. Other than this one, The Pioneer Woman is the last blog I commented on.  I am positively infatuated with this woman’s life.  Hunky cowboy husband, adorable children in wranglers and boots, a house on a cattle ranch in the country…Luscious, fattening, homestyle cooking.  Plus she takes beautiful photos.

7. And as for the weekend, I’m NOT looking forward to finding some way to do all my homework and studying that I need to get done for Monday in between hanging out with Jesse and Luke and Nisha and Sarah and watching movies and-…Ahhh!

Filed under: Journal , family, friday fill-ins, friends, future, meme

Again, It Starts.

“Reality is nothing but a collective hunch.” –Jane Wagner.

I’ve created, in total, at least five blogs throughout my life. Some lasted years, some hardly lasted at all. This one, I think, will persist, if only to feed this burning ache inside of me that demands I put thoughts down into a visible form, where my eyes can explore them further. My writer’s itch.

Tonight is new years eve. Does this mean much, really? It’s the beginning of a new year, yes, but doesn’t one year just run right into the next anyway? The sun set tonight, behind a uniformly gray veil of snow-pregnant clouds, the same way it did last night and the same way it will again tomorrow. There’s no seam between this year and the next except the one that our culture creates. Invisible threads.

I’m disregarding it this year. Mostly because I’m alone. I could include the details, but I’m not sure it’s necessary. I don’t want this blog to lose it’s importance and become a mindless listing of the events of my daily life. I want it to be deeper. I can feel myself giving out when I forget to write about things. I need to narrate my own life. I need to put things into words.

Tonight, I went for a walk. I pulled on my dark gray wool coat, $30 at Super-Target. The one I don’t really like very much, but the only one I have. A belt around the waist, with big buttons up the front. I put a black leather leash on one of my dogs and she proceeded to squat down and pee right on it as soon as we hit the pure white street. I left my glasses in my purse in the house. The snow was coming down and it coated every tiny twig of every tree and every bush and it piled up atop the street signs beneath the ugly yellow of the lights, like tiny little forts built up in preparation for some sort of epic, miniature snowball fight. We walked to the park, through at least a foot of snow and there was quiet except for the snapping of her jaws in the powdery top layer and the swishing of my boots through it. They’re gorgeous boots. Square-toed chestnut-colored Ariats, with a light green top portion. I bought them at the All-American Quarter Horse Congress this year. Last year? 2007. I also bought a little stuffed paint horse who I named “Seven”. He’s my souvenir, since they were sold out of the sweatshirt I wanted by the time I made up my mind to get it. Once again, I should learn not to procrastinate. But I’m getting off-topic. We went for a walk, through the park. Sometimes on the path, sometimes off it. Either way, we ended up at the playground on the far side of the tennis courts. And I brushed the snow off one of the swings, the one in the center, but it was frozen and jagged underneath the powder. I flipped it over and sat down on the wrong side. I just sat. And listened to the snow fall. It does make a sound, you know? It’s just a whisper, really. A hush. Everything looked so pretty. The sky was light and the snow reflected it and everything just looked so pillow-soft. Even the orange and blue, the plastic and metal, of the playground. I used to play there when I was a kid. Played truth or dare on top of that slide. But what I was really looking at was the darkness of the trees, laced with white and starkly outlined against that peach-gray sky.

I felt like I was waiting for someone. I kept glancing towards the bridge. In an ideal world, a young man would have come trudging through that untouched snow, maybe with his own dog at the end of a leash. And he’d have looked up, his hands jammed deep in his pockets, and seen me as he crested the hill that that playground rests on top of, sitting on that swing with my jeans caked in snow halfway to my knees and my bangs damp with melted flakes and curled across my forehead. And we’d have fallen in love. Just like that.

But we didn’t and he never came, so I got up and walked back home, just as my nose started to go numb and my ears started to ache with the cold. And I could see myself walking, in the shadow thrown by those ugly street lights. How long my ponytail was. How far those curls go down my back still surprises me. How the shape of the coat framed my curves.

Maybe I do like that coat a little better than I’m willing to admit.

Filed under: Journal , future, holiday, love, thoughts, writing